Would your decision be easier if ?being together? didn?t necessarily mean ?being wrong??
Where has this year gone? The one good thing about this, is that there are only 25 days til Spring. And just like the weather seasons change, so do our relationships. One day we?re in a good space with our partner, and the next day we are enemies at war.
This is a natural cycle for relationships, and just like we tend our gardens with the change of seasons,?so should we tend our relationships. In winter, we chop back shrubs and cover up those fragile plants so they dont get caught by the black frost.
And then in autumn/spring we start planting seedlings for the summer so we can have beautiful gardens full of colour so we can spend those lazy summer days outdoors.
And so we should do the same with our relationships?.
We need to cut back the ?dead shrubs? by reviewing whats working and whats not working for us. We need to plant ?seedlings? that ensures we have beautiful relationships full of ?colour? ? positivity, encouragement, compassion, understanding etc.
The more beautiful the ?gardens? in our relationship(s), the more time we will want to spend in it, instead of wanting another garden.
If we dont coninually tend to our ?gardens? on a regular basis, we will be left with weeds, dead shrubs, and dried up water wells. Here?s wishing you beautiful gardens for your Summer that?s just around the corner!
Paula
Would your decision be easier if ?being together? didn?t necessarily mean ?being wrong??
A lot of couples argue about who?s right, and ?The Truth?, as if there was an objective reality. And, of course, each partner believes he/she is the one who?s right. I call this ?Right Fighting? and here?s why it?s a waste of time?
Because 100% of the time what you?re arguing over is perception, not reality. Perception is a matter of opinion. You get to have your opinion and your partner gets to have his/her opinion. Period. Always.
Was he nagging you, or merely reminding you? Was she criticizing you, or merely pointing out what she thinks is a more efficient way? Coming up with a scientific method to draw the line between the two is neither productive or helpful. It doesn?t matter whether he was nagging or reminding, she was criticizing or suggesting.
You both have core values on the line here, and therefore neither of you is going to budge an inch on the definition. The good news is, it doesn?t matter. Find a word you can both agree to use (and if that takes more than 2 minutes, at least one of you is quibbling) and get on to the crux of the matter. That?s what the behavior means to each person. What was your experience with these behaviors when you were growing up? How about for your partner?
If exploring these meanings doesn?t increase your compassion towards your partner, it might be worth consulting with someone to help you and your beloved get out of the rut of Right Fighting and power struggles. Or you can keep repeating your battle over an unresolvable pattern, escalating the conflict in each replay, until one of you checks out of the relationship. -Rebecca
Wisdom for healthy relationships ? Lorraine Meaker
1) Communicate, communicate, communicate.
2) Never take your partner for granted.
3) Have fun and play together even as mature adults ? laugh lots.
4) If both are working ? share the home duties. Who said home duties are only for women?
5) During parenthood years ? love, laugh and let-up with the children and with each other, to enjoy each other and have fun doing it. Create many happy memories together.
6) Live balanced lives ? spend quality time together. Remember, money making is not the only form of wealth and happiness, so be balanced and spend time together.
7) Marriage/Relationships need sacrifice ? not to harm one partner, but to allow both parties to feel complete as you give and take on both sides.
8)?Encourage, motivate and support your partner in ventures that he/she is passionate about, even if you don?t fully see that the task in hand can succeed. With your full support, it just might, and you will be better off too.
9) Share one another?s burdens and let your partner know you are always a listening ear, even when you don?t feel like it and you are both in a bad place. Share everything together.
10) NEVER FORGET BIRTHDAYS AND ANNIVERSARIES.
Source: http://www.ati2ud.com/aug-newsletter-2012/
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